


Series Three - Donna Everywhere Remix

by mydeira



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-26
Updated: 2012-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-17 02:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/546457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydeira/pseuds/mydeira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of "what-if" speculation on how Series Three would have gone if Donna had stuck around after "The Runaway Bride".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Series Three - Donna Everywhere Remix

_Shakespeare Code_  
Old Bill was flattering, she had to give him that. As he leaned in to kiss her, Donna put a restraining hand on his chest. 

“Hold the wooing for just a tic, loverboy.” She riffled in her purse, pulled out breath freshener and promptly squirted in his mouth. Before he could protest, she kissed him soundly. After a moment, Bill took control and Donna Noble had one of the best snogs she’d had in recent memory. 

So, naturally, the Doctor had to interrupt, yanking her back with a “We have to go, now.”

A quick look at a tart in fancy dress with some menacing bodyguards spurred Donna into action. 

“It’s been lovely, Bill, really. Keep up the writing.” And she took off after the Doctor.

After they were on their way again, the Doctor said, “You spritzed the Bard!” 

“His breath was horrible! What other choice did I have?”

“Not snogging him, maybe?”

“It was William Shakespeare, of course I was going to snog him.” 

“But..but...”

“He turned you down, didn’t he?” 

 

_Evolution of the Daleks_  
The Doctor stood on top of the theatre chairs, taunting the Daleks. The bloody alien git and his Martian death wish.

Donna tugged on his pant leg. He stopped in his speech to look down at her and hissed, “What?”

“If you get yourself killed, am I going to be stuck here?”

“Stuck, no, of course not!” He turned back to the Daleks. She tugged again.

“What?”

“Are you sure? It’s not like I know how to fly, let alone fly some Martian space ship.”

“You’ll be fine, I promise. Now stay down and shut up.”

Donna considered her misadventures with the Doctor, weighed her options and stood up. “Oi! Pepper pots! Over here!”

The Daleks focused on her. The zombies trained their weapons on her. Frank and Tallulah looked at her like she was insane. The Doctor just groaned.

Yeah, well, he’d be thanking her soon enough when she saved his worthless Martian hide. 

 

_Blink_  
“This one’s useless, he is.” Donna popped into the frame and shoved the Doctor off his chair. Sitting, she smiled at the camera. “He kidnaps me and now I’m supporting him. Not by choice, mind. Tried getting him to work. By the twelfth job I figured if we didn’t want to be living out of dumpsters, it was up to me.” She sighed. “I ask you, Sally, one modern woman to another, how is that fair?”

“Donna, there’s some important information I need to—”

“Shush, you.” She waved the Doctor off, then focused on the camera again. “Like I was saying, this git’s useless. It’s all down to you and…” She looked at the Doctor again. “What’s his name?”

“Larry,” the Doctor said, defeated.

“Larry, that’s right. Down to you and Larry, Sally, to save me and the Martian. Understood?” She waited. “Oh yeah, one more thing: Don’t take your eyes off the flipping angels. The Sixties really aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.”

 

_Human Nature_  
“Would you excuse us for just a moment, Nurse Redfern?” Donna didn’t bother for a reply, just pulled the Doctor into the nearest room and shut the door behind her.

“Miss Noble, you really are out of line!” he huffed.

She slapped him.

“Now that—”

She put her hand over his mouth and shoved him against the wall. “Now you listen to me, Do—Mr. Smith, and you listen good. I ain’t mucking about as a maid for fun. Cleaning sure as hell was never my strong suit.” She leaned in, enjoying the way his eyes went wide. “Do I have your full attention, sir?”

He nodded, looking terrified. Oh, this was too much fun.

“Right. Nurse Redfern is off limits. You hear me?” The Doctor blinked. “I mean it. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and the answer is no. Just no. You want to chase after her when we’re done here, fine. Have at it. Though she’s really not your type. Not blonde enough, though that could be fixed easily enough.” She pulled herself back on track. “I don’t fancy spending the rest of my life as a maid, you hear. So stop chasing after nursey.”

He mumbled something, so she removed her hand.

“What was that?”

“I wondered why I haven’t let you go yet.”

“Because I’d bloody well kill you, that’s why.”

“Ah, I see. I suppose that’s settled then.”

“Good.” She stepped back. “Now run along, Mr. Smith. Don’t want to be late for class, do we?”

 

_Last of the Time Lords_  
“Let me tell you about this bloke the Doctor... You know what? Sod it. He’s rather fantastic, but he’s quite a twerp, too. And not just a little scary. But shit happens and sometimes you’re better off helping yourselves. So yeah. Mind giving me a lift to the next village? Hear there’s still a bar in operation.”

***

“Bam! Just like that. All I need is to get close enough.”

“How do you plan on getting near the Master?” Dougherty asked.

“Master? Who’s talking about the Master? I’m after the Doctor. Makes me walk the Earth for a bleeding year, talking him up and what’s he up to? Just gets to sit around. Sure he’s like ancient now. But he’s warm, right? And fed. God, do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a proper meal?” 

Tom and Dougherty stared at her.

She grinned. “I’m just kidding. Of course, I’m going to take out the Master. Then I’m going to wring the Doctor’s scrawny little rat neck. Companion my ass. More like lacky.”

***

The Doctor looked at Donna. “Suspect you’ll be wanting me to take you home now?”

She gaped at him. “Are you having me on? Take me home? I just spent the last year trotting around the globe, spreading your name so you can do the shiny light thing and make the world right again. No, Martian Boy, the only place you're taking me is to a nice little island planet with lots of beaches and very attentive cabana boys who will keep the margaritas coming. After a month or two, we’ll move onto that pleasure planet your never dying boyfriend was going on about. Then maybe, just maybe, we can go muck about somewhere so you can satisfy your danger craving. Then we're going back to the beach. In fact, for every time I end up risking life and limb, you’re taking me to the beach with the very attentive cabana boys. That clear?”

“Jack’s not my boyfriend,” the Doctor mumbled.

“Yeah, right. Just like that Master bloke wasn’t either.” 

“Donna, really—”

“I forgot, you thrive on denial. We’ll toss back a few margaritas, then maybe you’ll change your tune.” She considered him. “Or not.”

He just looked at her.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Beaches? Margaritas? Cabana boys?”

The Doctor jumped into action. “Right, yes. I suppose the TARDIS could use a vacation as well. Been rather rough on the old girl, this has.”

Donna rolled her eyes. As long as she got some sun and alcohol, she could deal with his Martian weirdness.


End file.
